Your Therapists Corner

Self esteem is just what it says, SELF esteem.

Tue, 07 Dec 2010 22:53:00 +0000

In America today, one of the biggest problems our youth today face is the lack of self esteem. During my time as an online advice counselor and as a friend to talk to for my peers, I've noticed that self esteem seems to be 1, misunderstood, and two, the root of most of the problems people come to me with. The following are some insights into the mystery of self esteem.

Self esteem can come from many different areas. Often times people think that self esteem comes from the people around you, usually the popular ones or that special someone you like, but that is not always the case. Often times those who are of a lower self esteem tend to stick together, and often times you even become someone people look to for advice. Embrace that. Embrace the difference. I myself have done the same thing by opening up this website. While the popular kids at school might not think of me as the coolest kid on campus, I have quite a large list of people who really, truly care about me. They are grateful for me and enjoy what I have to say. They don’t only talk to me because I have the coolest cloths or the nicest car. If I was to drop everything and dress terrible and become homeless, I would continue to have a large majority of my friends and followers stick with me, but when it comes to a popular kid, that situation would not be the same

To me, self esteem is all about finding happiness in the most random and least thought of places. Most people believe that by having the cool kids accept them, they will feel better. By having the best clothes or that perfect body, that people will pay attention to them, but what they fail to realize is that when they use the physical to attract friends, their friends are only there to witness the physical. A hot girl might have a lot of friends, but only because the guys want what’s under the clothing (or not, depending on modesty… which tends to be quite a rarity these days) , and the girls because they want the guys that girl has, or some sort of advice or way to get those guys. People who pay attention to someone because they drive the new mustang and wear awesome clothes, would not be there when that mustang is wrecked and the clothes lost. Real friends are those people that you find when you are the most down in the dumps. Those people that talk to you because of who you are, not what you are.

As you begin to build up your self confidence, remember that the solution is in the name. its SELF confidence, not the confidence other people have in you. I can’t even begin to stress that enough. In today’s world, it seems that everyone else relies on the people around them to build up their own self esteem. Its called SELF esteem for a reason. If it was supposed to be based off of what other people thought of you, it would only be called esteem. Self esteem is not about how other people esteem you, it’s about how you esteem yourself. No one should be able to ruin the self confidence of one’s self. To help keep yourself strong, you need to have a strong inner core. No one will ever be happy under the rule of someone else, so it’s time to take control of your own self. One way to do this is to make a list. Make a list of all the things YOU like about yourself, then make a list about all the things you like about yourself because other people like it about you. Then do the same for dislikes. What do YOU dislike about yourself, and what do you dislike about yourself because you believe that other people don’t like it about you. As a third list, write down things you do to conform, and things you do just because you want to. Then finally, make a list of things you do to please other people, and things you do because it pleases you. Once you do this, take the things from each of those list that are things YOU like about yourself, and make sure you make those your strong points. Use those to build up your self confidence. Then take the things YOU dislike about yourself, and make it a priority to fix them. Nothing will every change if no real work is put in. Next, make it a priority to do the things you do because you enjoy them. Quit trying to do things to please other people just so you can fit in. A person who has the courage to do as she pleases, despite the glares of the popular, is someone of true courage. Also, remember, excuses are only rationalizations of weakness. If you are truly devoted to building yourself up as high and as strong as you can, you need to resist making excuses to avoid working. Not every part of this will be fun and exciting, and much of it will be very painful and dreadful, but in the end, you will have a YOU that YOU like.

I promise you that if you can build yourself up, and let go of the pain and the fear that your father has inflicted on you, that your life will make a sharp u-turn and that life will improve dramatically. Don’t end up like the people around you who have reached such a low in their life, that they need to take everyone else down with them. Remember that bullies are only bullies to people who are just like them. Bullies have their own massive list of problems which causes them to have the need to act tough and trod down all around them in order to build up their self esteem. If you rely on others for SELF esteem, you will turn into a bully, or fall into a pit of despair as most people do. You will find yourself constantly doing things to please the people around you, but never really bring yourself real happiness. The lack of self esteem is the reason why peer pressure works so amazingly well. If you don’t respect yourself enough to do what it is you want to do, because you want to do it, there will always be someone else willing to come in and take control for you. Remember that self esteem is personal, and should only be affected by the person to whom that esteem belongs, which in this case, is you. Letting other people get you down is giving them the power to control you.

I promise that if you stand strong in the face of adversity, if you learn to take control of your life, your esteem, and your happiness, that you will live a long and happy life, and that you will begin to see an increase not only in the amount of friends you have, but the quality of friendship you have with them.

Real Beauty.

Wed, 05 May 2010 15:57:00 +0000

In our world today, the word beauty has been so twisted and shaped into so many different forms and definitions that people find it hard to feel beautiful in any of the ways people have said you can feel beautiful in. The most popular definition of beauty comes from the media, and there lies the problem. The media is a business, an entity out to make money in any way possible. In a truly capitalist world, a business is there to make money, no matter the steps it has to take to make it, no matter who it has to crush and walk over in order to get to its goal. Media is doing just that as it warps and distorts people’s sense of beauty.

To me, beauty is very hard to define because everyone is different. To me, there is no way a standard can be set for something that people have very little real control over. Not all of us can control whether or not we have the perfect supermodel body or the beach babes look. Not all of us are born under the same conditions. Its not like everyone starts off at a standardized starting line and then we control what goes on from there. No, we are born how we are born, and in the end, I think that that is how we are beautiful. We all run our own race. Our standards are specific to us.

When it comes down to it, we have to make the ultimate choice and set the standards where we think they belong. It's not even a matter of values or sensitivity, as beauty can reside in something so seemingly unimportant as a leaf, floating down a quiet stream. Perhaps more to the point, beauty resides everywhere you wish to find it.

Have you ever spent a day walking, just watching people and observing their various moods? You may see a hundred people in a day, just walking through the park or sitting on a bench. Each individual has innate beauty. It is up to you to find that definition of beauty which is surely there. Whether that person is a kindly old grandmother feeding birds, a mother tending her kids, or an unfortunate homeless man trying to make the best of his situation, there is beauty in abundance if only you can see it.

Now you more closely approach true beauty. True beauty cannot be duplicated. The face of a child is unique. The face you see now may never again be duplicated in its expression, wonder and uniqueness. This is a definition of beauty that you can spend a lifetime contemplating and yet never capture, except in your heart. True beauty lies in the individuality of an object, person, or idea. You have true beauty because of who you are, not because of who you wish to be.

According to Webster's, beauty is of a very pleasing quality. If you wish to feel beautiful, create in yourself things that are of a very pleasing quality, things that YOU enjoy, and things that are unique to you. You are beautiful because you make yourself beautiful, not because you match the standards that the media puts out there. Others will see and grow to accept your beauty as you continue with this attitude.

Let beauty reside in your heart. Remove the negativities that you feel; things that you are bitter about, judgments of others that you know are unjust, and opinions you know you shouldn’t have. Be beautiful in attitude to other people, and you will come to see that they find you beautiful also.

Five Traits in a Mate That Are Not Deal Breakers

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 17:18:00 +0000

Five Traits in a Mate That Are Not Deal Breakers

(Retrieved from http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlewow.aspx?cp-documentid=23550259 )

Have you decided that you will only marry a man of a certain height, profession or hairstyle? The author of a provocative new book reveals why you're wrong about Mr. Right.

By Lori Gottlieb

He Cheated On Me.. Now What?

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 00:46:00 +0000

Dear Anonymous,

One of the mostimportant parts of marriage is trust. Trust allows both parties to live throughtheir marriage in peace and love. It allows things to happen that otherwise wouldn’t.It allows a bonding like no other. And it allows you to move forward in thebest of ways. Without trust, marriages become vulnerable to so many negativeaspects that it seems the marriage will just crumble.

Whether you'redating, engaged or married, being cheated on by your partner represents theultimate form of romantic betrayal and can completely obliterate the trust youhave for your partner. Cheating has far more to do than with sex because it violatesthe expectation of monogamy and therefore shatters the basis of romanticintimacy. For most of us, being cheated on produces instant feelings of intensehurt that gradually turn into feelings of simmering resentment, which prompt usto end the relationship or find some other way of coping with such pain.However, there are often mitigating factors that keep us from following ourinstinct to end a damaged relationship, such as children, finances, or thechoice to forgive. Most experts will correctly tell you that maintaining a deadrelationship in the name of convenience is a disaster waiting to happen. But ifyou still feel love for your partner, there's some valuable relationship advicefor women that can help you determine whether or not your relationship is worthsaving.

When you're ableto look your partner in the eye again, ask him to explain why he cheated, andto do it in depth. Guys usually don't like in depth conversations but at thispoint, you need to do what is necessary to open him up. As you listen to hisanswer, you'll get a good idea about whether or not the relationship is worth fixing,or if it needs ending. If he responds by saying that he cheated because youdidn't give him enough emotional or physical attention, consider whether he hasa point. Even though you're not the guilty party and no excuse is a good excusefor cheating, considering the error of your own romantic ways could be key torestoring your relationship. However, if he tries to make it seem like hischeating was entirely your fault, you may as well not waste your time onsomeone who won't take responsibility for his actions. Improving yourrelationship after an affair is contingent upon your partner performing self-improvement,and a man who won't hold himself responsible for his own mistakes isn't goingto improve. Whether it’s a mid-life crisis, self-esteem issues, or an eventlike yours, nothing will get done if the person at fault doesn’t do anything tochange the situation. You can talk to them and advise them and help as much asyou want, but without self commitment and determination, nothing will besolved.

The second thingto watch for as you discuss the issue of your partner's infidelity is whetherhe understands the full impact of his actions and what they have done to you.If he starts saying such things as "but it was only sex" or "allmen have this problem", it's a sign that he neither contemplates your hurtnor is willing to accept responsibility for his vices. If he takes thisposition after cheating on you, you shouldn't expect him to take a differentposition on controversial issues in the future, and you can expect this tohappen again.

If after talkingwith your partner you become satisfied that he understands how his cheating hasdamaged the relationship, the next piece of relationship advice for women whohave been cheated on is to ask him to demonstrate his renewed devotion to you.But you don't have to do this directly. A better way to test his devotion is toask him to do some things that are very reasonable in the wake of a sexualaffair, such as get tested for sexual diseases, attend relationship counselingand provide you with the password to his email, social networking, and instantmessaging accounts. If he tells you how sorry he is but refuses to go out ofhis way to restore your faith in him, you're probably dealing with a selfishsmooth talker and should end the relationship. A man who is truly repentant andwho is truly in love with you will do what is necessary to keep you.

Following these pieces of relationship advice for women whohave been cheated on isn't guaranteed to undo the hurt caused by cheating, butit will help you decide whether to give your partner a chance or not.

A summary of "The Game".

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 00:15:00 +0000

Let me introduce you to The Game.

Basically, girls are the game, guys are the players. (Hence the reason guys get called players)

Guys who are like this see women as a prize; something to win.

The objective: To get with you. Thats how they "win".

Guys know that there is a universal set of saying and things that makes every girl happy and a guys skill in the game is based off his effectiveness with these sayings. In the shallow days of my past before I decided to right all of the wrongs I had done, I to was a player of this game. Basically, the guy sweet talks you. Sometimes for days. Sometimes (if there are other girls he is going for or he is desperate) he will talk for weeks. However long it takes.

They make you feel like the luckiest person in the world. They keep you on your toes. Waiting for that perfect image you have in your head to happen, but it never does. He either scores with you, or you dont give him what he wants and either way, he moves on.

FYI: I am not advocating the playig of this game... I am warning you women, and you few men... who have or are, or will be victims of this game, and letting you know of a few simple things to look out for.

So girls, Beware. Be smart. Live strong. Be strong.

It Seemed So Good...

Sat, 06 Feb 2010 21:17:00 +0000

Dear Anonymous,

In a time of such a confusing mix of stress, love, pain, and wonder, we often lose sight of the person that is always the most important in situations like this. We also lose sight of the long term effects, and what we can do to make them good. It’s time to adopt a different view on what’s going on around you, and find out how to relieve some of this stress.

First off, stop. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes. Count to ten. And then let it out slowly. When people are stressed out, they very rarely think clearly and in this situation, we need a nice clear, open mind.

Now, as I start with this article I must say that I only know so much, and I can only base my advice off of what I know of your situation.

As we maneuver life and its many bump and disastrous roads we come across many points like the one you are currently experiencing. There isn’t just one thing going on, but multiple. When you hit these times of an extreme level of stress, it is important to take a little time for yourself and just relax. Find a day where you can ignore your phone and the texts or calls you get. Go out to a place you love to be; somewhere peaceful. Bring a nice book and/or your thinking cap. Just sit and clear off as much stress as you possibly can because all it does is jam information and fuzz up the mind. Do your best to think about and resolve things in your head.

Once you’ve done that, try following this little morsel of advice. The guy you are with seems to have been pretty good in the past. And I'm pretty sure he can be again. Often times when guys go off and do what he is doing, it is because of some underlying cause, either insecurity, boredom, or a just downright lack of a heart. And sometimes all it takes is a straight forward confrontation and talk. I realize that your relationship is and has been a great source of happiness in your life and I know you wish to save it if at all possible, so try this out. Find a time where you two can be alone and serious. Present him with all of your concerns and express your love for him. Tell him how special you feel he is, and how special the relationship is to you. Ask why it is that he has done what he has been doing. Give him a fair shake as he tries to respond to your concerns, and hopefully through the talk, you can find a resolution to your problems that will benefit the both of you.

Now, we all know that not everything goes as planned in life. We know that life tends to beat you down right when you feel like you have gotten back up, so just in case things don't go so well, try and keep your mind open to other possibilities. If the result of the conversation is a break up, be prepared. Like I've said, I know that stuff like this is never fun but often times you get something so much better later on. If all doesn’t go well, do your best to focus on who is most important in this situation. You. Your feelings are more important. Your grades are more important. And your tests are more important. If he doesn’t realize what he is missing out on, then that is his loss. Just make sure to get back on your feet and focus on your current situations with school. As I always say, Live strong. Be strong. You can do it. We can do it.

A Long Distance Recovery

Sat, 06 Feb 2010 20:09:00 +0000

Dear Anonymous,

The recovery process is a very long, hard, and bumpy process that is only possible through much personal effort, self realization, and quite a lot of time in the thinking chair. When it seems like love and affection is in the air, things dont also show themselves clearly. Time to clear the fuzz.

In a mix of crazy circumstances, to many miles, and not enough communication, things often crumble when you least expect it. I’ll tell you what I mean.

When you meet a guy in another state, or somewhere where seeing him won’t be happening to often, any kind of relationship can be hard; whether it’s a friendship, or an amazingly strong relationship. This happens for many reasons and is actually quite common.

1. Often times, the people that fall in love, or the people that really like each other, tend to be of a young age and still live with their parents. This right here presents a major obstacle in the fact that both parties would need permission from their parents just to have a small chance at visiting each other. You then need to get permission to see each other on a day that the other person has permission to see you. This is often quite hard and the days very rarely match up.

2. Another very common obstacle is the lack of self transportation. How are you going to get yourself up there to see the person? Are you going to make your parents drive you all over or do you have a car of your own? Having to rely on your parents can make the visitations can be a major downfall.

3. Often times, people who meet long distance and hope to continue their relationship lack the physical association that people who date in person have. This often causes many problems. One would be that if one of the people finds someone they can have a physical relationship with, they usually drop the long distance one and go for the physical reality.

Now, please don't think that I don't sympathize with you, because I really do. I have been in your situation many times and am actually in that situation now. One thing you have to realize before going into such a relationship, is that the problems listed above, can and do happen. Before rushing in, take a moment to consider everything that could happen, and make sure that you don't get to extremely attached in order to avoid any pain when it doesn’t go as amazingly as you thought.

In your situation, things become much harder, so here is my advice for you. Since you have such an open heart for guys, do your best to stay away from them emotionally till you are more stable. Throwing yourself at every guy you see can have severely devastating consequences in the future. As your taking your break from guys, do your best to sit back and think of qualities that you want in your future husband, then once you’ve set them, raise them a little. Then see who you still have a liking for.

The process of getting over a guy you have fallen for is something that is almost not possible. The one thing you need to remember is that if you really do like the guy for more reasons than selfish ones, you will allow him to move on with his current relationship. You will realize that he is happy and then it will give you the ability to move on yourself. You need to hold back and take a second look at everything that has been going on in your life, settle yourself down, and then continue on. A young person like you still has a very fun, adventure filled life ahead of you. Don't let one downhill long distance relationship ruin it. Live strong. Be strong.

The Long, Hard Road to Recovery.

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 21:55:00 +0000

Dear Anonymous,

I would like to start by saying that I know what you're going through. Not by personal experience, but through the experience of other people that I have talked to and I know how hard it is to recover from such a situation like you have been through. But, let me tell you, it is not impossible. Keep up hope and try and listen to what I have to say.

First, I would like to address the manipulation and emotional abuse the guy put you through. One of the most common reasons a man abuses or manipulates a woman, is to exercise more than just physical control. It is often the same way with rapists or child abusers. The person seeks to build up themselves or satisfy some feeling or need that they have, so they seek out the vulnerable and claim ground. The physical act of controlling who you talk to, or what you wear, is only the superficial problem. As we look deeper into what is going on, we need to think, what is wrong with the guy that he thinks he is fixing or satisfying by doing this? In cases like yours, it’s usually a deep sense of insecurity, but it can also be that he has lost someone very near and dear to him. Often times when life changing events have negative effects on a person, it can have very horrible consequences and unfortunately those consequences tend to have their own set of consequences, as you have experienced. This is also why he continues to harass you. He knows he has lost you for good, and since he knows he can’t win, he wants to play games with you to try and win in the long run, or at least make your life miserable in the process.

The only way to get rid of him for good, or at least remove the effects he has on you, is to move on. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am in no way saying that it will be easy in even the smallest of ways, but it is definitely necessary. Now, you might be asking, “Where do I start?”, so let me tell you. You need to start by opening your mind to other guys. Now, what I mean by that, is that you need to think of some guys you know, other guys you’ve liked, guys you think are cute, or whatever and try and think of different qualities you like about them. Think of things that caught your attention or intrigued you. This will help you be able to open up to guys in a real life sense, one that isn’t only in your head. Do your best to remove your ex from your mind as much as possible. Sever the ties he has to your emotions as best as you can.

As you go about opening up your mind, and eyes to other guys, try opening your heart a little. Experiment. Take risks. Ask guys out on dates, or go out on dates with other guys. These dates don't have to be romantic or anything really special, just a nice picnic, or hanging out at a public place; things like that. Try your best to enjoy them as much as possible. Now, I understand your wish to refrain from special physical contact, and in some senses, that’s a good thing. Often times, being romantically and physically involved with someone before a substantial bond and sense of commitment has been established can cause major problems in the long run. So, in my advice, try to work on clearing away the fear of such attachments, but also make them carefully.

As you go about your everyday life, doing the things mentioned above, make sure to think to yourself; think about the good in your life. Think about the good in other guys. And think about the good that is happening within you as your seek to better your life. I know that nothing I have said here will be easy, but like I said, it is all necessary. Be Smart. Be Open. And Be Strong.

Judgements, and Their Consequences

Sat, 30 Jan 2010 21:59:00 +0000

Due to a recent tiff over a comment I made on a wall post, I’ve decided to write a little something. This has been floating around in my brain ever since I've encountered it. Over the past few years of my life, I've noticed one quite troubling circumstance. I'm pretty sure that if we examine most of the major religions, we find that they teach us to love one unto another, to treat others as we wish to be treated, to judge not or be judged yourself in a likewise manner, and to comfort those in need of comfort, to some degree or another. We are taught such things from the time we are young, but when we really, truly take a look at all the people who are taught those things, or the people who practice those things, or even those who teach those things, we find the people who are the most judgmental of all.

My actions, my faith, and my goals throughout my life haven’t always been the best, and due to such choices that I have decided to make for myself, those who claim to be the good ones, have slowly leaked out of my life. Those who found out about my choices, and didn’t like them, decided that since I wasn’t perfect, or because I made a choice that in no way affected them, or would ever affect them, they were going to remove themselves. Then, they go on with their life being taught, or preaching that we should all love one another. They claim to be good people, people who follow their religion or who claim to live what they teach. They say as the people in the bible said when Jesus said that they had wronged him. They say wherein have I wronged thee? What have I done, that is bad? And yet they overlook so many of the times where they have caused pain in others lives, where they have abandoned a friend or a person in need or simply someone who could be brought back to “the truth”. Those who preach acceptance and tolerance and love, often despise or reject those who are not on their level.

There have been far too many times where I myself have encountered this problem. The problem of the elect, or the higher people, or the religious people, or even those who claim a higher moral standing, being those who judge me, despite believing in loving one another or being non-judgmental, has been a problem for me since I can remember, which would be since I moved from the east side of Bakersfield. Ever since I was a kid, the kids around me teased me for not being as good as they were. They teased because I was rambunctious when they were reverent.

As I grew older, the whole religion thing started to leak out of my head. I lost faith and began to fall away. You would think that the loving people of the church would take this as an opportunity to exercise the things they teach, or have been taught, but in fact, they do almost the exact opposite. A member who was quite high up in our church told his family they were not allowed to talk to me because I was a bad influence, despite me fully supporting everyone in their faith, and even helping those who were struggling such as I was. People began to look at me funny and talk about me behind my back. They would say things to me that should never be repeated, or even uttered.

As that progressed, so did my distance from my faith. I began to act out and do things that I knew were wrong because I felt that there was no way that what I was taught in church, could be true if those who taught it, didn’t follow it. I also figured that if those who said they were living the truth could act in such derogatory manners, then I could do so also, and live the faith. If those around me who have sinned worse than I have, can go about life claiming to be doing what is right, then so can I. As I did this, the people who claimed to be of a higher moral standing, began to be the fiercest attackers, and those who were like me, were my fiercest supporters. I know what you’re thinking, “well of course the slummy people were supporting you! You were just like them!” but there you go again with the judging. The people who supported me the most, were the people everyone tags and druggies, low lives, slums, and other such statement, but not because they wished for me to be like them, but because they knew how I felt. They didn’t want me to stay a “bad person”; they wanted me to be better. They tried talking me into living my religion the real way. The right way. I wish I could say as much for the fellow members of my church, or the people who acclaim to some sort of higher moral religion, but unfortunately I cannot. Like I have said, I have found that in general, it is those who are judged, that are the most accepting, and those who preach acceptance and righteousness, are the most rejecting.

So please, as you go about your life, please remember to watch who you judge. Try and look deeper than the surface. Often times, the surface is an exact opposite of the inside. So please, look into your own soul, look into your own mind, and at your own self, before you go and look into the souls, minds, and bodies of other people.

He Hurts Me, But I Keep Coming Back.

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 14:49:00 +0000

Have you ever met that one person who you seem to never be able to forget? Do you constantly go back to them no matter what they do to you, and they seem to have this iron grip on your love? Well here are some things that I recommend. Sometimes, a good solution to this problem seems to be impossible to find but it isn't. The only solution to this situation that is impossible to find is the 'perfect' solution. So don't lose hope.

Here is one of the most common scenarios. "We normally talk about hanging out and 'doing stuff we both know we want to do.' Occasionally we talk about other things like each other's day or other normal every day topics but it always seems to include things about 'us'. Sometimes he brings up the topic of getting together and stuff like that." You and the guy started off with an unforgettable moment. You skipped some of the small talk and started off the friendship with a BANG. A few days later things seem to be moving opposite ways between you guys. You wonder what is going on and why he hasn't replied. You notice he is ignoring texts. You begin to be hurt and wonder what you could have done. You think of how amazing that first moment you shared together was. A few days later, he texts you and your spirits soar. You feel happier than you have been in a very long time. You may feel stupid for thinking that something so amazing could have actually gone down the drain. You begin talking again and he brings up all of the feelings and "good times'. The crush you had on the guy comes back in full force and then, a few days later, you guys quit talking again. You begin to wonder what has happened. You ask yourself, "What have I done?" This cycle seems to repeat itself multiple times and you begin to feel that he is playing with your emotions. What do you do?

Well lets start by analyzing the situation. Ask yourself a few questions.

1. What does he normally talk to me about when we start talking?

2. When does he stop talking to me? After he gets what he was asking for? After it has been a while and he hasn't gotten what he is asking for?

3. How did our friendship start? Under what circumstances?

4. Did we ever talk about getting together? Did it actually happen?

5. What kind of a guy is he? Is he a ladies man who always seems to be flirting with girls or a kind loving guy to every girl he meets.?

Ok, so in this situation, you need to sort things out and do it fast. Talking to the guy in all seriousness could be one option, but you need to keep in mind that if he wants something from you, he is going to do what he needs to to get it. That includes lying. So make sure that if you do go and talk to him, that you make sure to play s many games with him to catch him in any kind of lie. When a lie is exposed, you have your answer. He is in it to 'get it.'

Now, assuming that he is in it to get it, this guy does not seem to be on the careful side of things. He knows he can get what he wants from you because he knows you like him and want to be with him. He gives you tastes of 'the good times' in order to keep the crush going. He knows that if he loses that crush, that he will no longer be able to get what he wants. He might even go as far as saying that you two should get together and make it official. You will notice, that that will not happen. He knows that if he dates you 'officially', he will not be able to get what he wants from other victims such as yourself. Now, you may ask why I use the term victim. Here is why: you are a victim of the game that guys tend to know how to play a little too well. Guys tend to know just how to get what they want and many times, it's by playing with your feelings.

Here is what I suggest doing in this situation; decide whether it's worth it. Are you happy that he is playing with your feelings? Do you want him to continue playing with your feelings so that he can use you? Do you like being this guy's toy? Now, if you don't, then you need to take the appropriate action. You need to talk to him straight up but don't let him get in your head. He will be trying his best to keep you wanting him. You need to sort everything out. Tell it like it is. Then end it. You need to cut the ties with this guy. Block his number or ignore him. Give him the cold shoulder. It might seem really cruel to do this, but think of what he has done to you. You need to realize that this guy is only there for the stuff he gets from you. Whether its just because you make him happy when he needs to be, or because he has other, more sensual goals in mind. And don't underestimate him. What I mean by that is this; don't think that just because he is trying really had to keep you, telling you all these things, and being such a sweetheart, that he actually wants you. A guy who is truly out to get it, will do what ever he needs to. Sweet talking is one of the most common and most effective ways of reaching that goal.

One thing you need to look out for the most, is lying. At times he might seem to be ignoring you, but then later in the day he texts you. What has he been doing? Well just keep in mind that often times, guys like that wont reply periodically. Why? Because they are doing what they want to do with you, with someone else. Guys who are out to get some normally have more than one girl in their grasp. Do not let yourself be a part of his horrendous practices.

Please, as you go about removing this guy from your life, remember why you're doing what you're doing. At times it will be hard. You will want him. He is your weakness. But just remember, you do not want to be used. You, as a woman, are deserving of only the best of the best. Remember that you are better than him. Do not let yourself sink down to his level and give in. stand up, and be strong.