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Therapists Corner
Judgements, and Their Consequences
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Due to a recent tiff over a comment I made on a wall post, I’ve decided to write a little something. This has been floating around in my brain ever since I've encountered it. Over the past few years of my life, I've noticed one quite troubling circumstance. I'm pretty sure that if we examine most of the major religions, we find that they teach us to love one unto another, to treat others as we wish to be treated, to judge not or be judged yourself in a likewise manner, and to comfort those in need of comfort, to some degree or another. We are taught such things from the time we are young, but when we really, truly take a look at all the people who are taught those things, or the people who practice those things, or even those who teach those things, we find the people who are the most judgmental of all.
My actions, my faith, and my goals throughout my life haven’t always been the best, and due to such choices that I have decided to make for myself, those who claim to be the good ones, have slowly leaked out of my life. Those who found out about my choices, and didn’t like them, decided that since I wasn’t perfect, or because I made a choice that in no way affected them, or would ever affect them, they were going to remove themselves. Then, they go on with their life being taught, or preaching that we should all love one another. They claim to be good people, people who follow their religion or who claim to live what they teach. They say as the people in the bible said when Jesus said that they had wronged him. They say wherein have I wronged thee? What have I done, that is bad? And yet they overlook so many of the times where they have caused pain in others lives, where they have abandoned a friend or a person in need or simply someone who could be brought back to “the truth”. Those who preach acceptance and tolerance and love, often despise or reject those who are not on their level.
There have been far too many times where I myself have encountered this problem. The problem of the elect, or the higher people, or the religious people, or even those who claim a higher moral standing, being those who judge me, despite believing in loving one another or being non-judgmental, has been a problem for me since I can remember, which would be since I moved from the east side of Bakersfield. Ever since I was a kid, the kids around me teased me for not being as good as they were. They teased because I was rambunctious when they were reverent.
As I grew older, the whole religion thing started to leak out of my head. I lost faith and began to fall away. You would think that the loving people of the church would take this as an opportunity to exercise the things they teach, or have been taught, but in fact, they do almost the exact opposite. A member who was quite high up in our church told his family they were not allowed to talk to me because I was a bad influence, despite me fully supporting everyone in their faith, and even helping those who were struggling such as I was. People began to look at me funny and talk about me behind my back. They would say things to me that should never be repeated, or even uttered.
As that progressed, so did my distance from my faith. I began to act out and do things that I knew were wrong because I felt that there was no way that what I was taught in church, could be true if those who taught it, didn’t follow it. I also figured that if those who said they were living the truth could act in such derogatory manners, then I could do so also, and live the faith. If those around me who have sinned worse than I have, can go about life claiming to be doing what is right, then so can I. As I did this, the people who claimed to be of a higher moral standing, began to be the fiercest attackers, and those who were like me, were my fiercest supporters. I know what you’re thinking, “well of course the slummy people were supporting you! You were just like them!” but there you go again with the judging. The people who supported me the most, were the people everyone tags and druggies, low lives, slums, and other such statement, but not because they wished for me to be like them, but because they knew how I felt. They didn’t want me to stay a “bad person”; they wanted me to be better. They tried talking me into living my religion the real way. The right way. I wish I could say as much for the fellow members of my church, or the people who acclaim to some sort of higher moral religion, but unfortunately I cannot. Like I have said, I have found that in general, it is those who are judged, that are the most accepting, and those who preach acceptance and righteousness, are the most rejecting.
So please, as you go about your life, please remember to watch who you judge. Try and look deeper than the surface. Often times, the surface is an exact opposite of the inside. So please, look into your own soul, look into your own mind, and at your own self, before you go and look into the souls, minds, and bodies of other people.
Categories: The Problems Of Today's World
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I would like to apologize on behalf of all of the people whom wrongfully threw vulgar accusations and horrible actions in your direction. Jesus said on the cross to G-d "forgive them for they know not what they do." To be honest I still don't think we do. I try to live 1 Peter 3:15-16 to the best of my ability though I see that we may have forgotten that particular part of Scripture.I have recently moved and now must begin the journey to find a new church. I am reluctant because of that (above).
I am a good girl. This you may not think of bad in any way ,but in reality it is frustrating, aggravating, and bad but in a positive way. I'm not sure that made sense. The cost of this has been: friendships, heartache, and asking G-d what I did wrong again. I said in an earlier post that friends come to me because they need to talk. Sadly other friends have a misconception that I am perfect. "Please do not let this be true",I think. (I certainly don't believe this to be true so please don't think I have a large ego or something along those lines.) They cannot talk to me because they feel as though I will judge them. I will look at them differently because of things that they have done. This is not true I want to shout! My thoughts are not audible ,yet sometimes I wish they were. I am here to listen, to give my opinion if I am asked, and to try and help them through something that I may have gone through. I was told once that we go through things in our lives so that we will be able to help someone else down the road in a similar situation. I have a rather large fear of rejection. This being said what exactly do you do in that situation? How do you say to G-d, " I'm all in. I give you everything. I trust you fully. If that means going to China I'll go. If that means smiling at a stranger on the street I will. If that means leaving everything I know and going to do something that I know nothing of I will. Let me be the vessel that you use in what ever way fits into Your plan. Let me be the mouthpiece Your words come from. Let Your words and not mine be heard. Let Your love for your children shine through me. Help them to see You in me. Please, Lord, let them hear. Please don't let them reject me. Help me share. Help me not be afraid." Everytime they say this I feel like crying. I want to share the things of my past then and there just to show them that I'm not how they perceive. I want them to see that but also see the person I am presently. How I've grown. How I've changed. When it is necessary to reveal the past they either don't believe me or look at me in an entirely different way. Negatively.
Back to where I was headed before my positive thinking caused me to derail. The people deemed "bad" by clothing or actions are not truly who they make themselves out to be. They do that as a way of safety. You are truly worthy of their time and attention if you blook passed "that" and into them. As a person. A human being. G-d's creations. Brandon Heath's "Give me Your Eyes" is something that I feel everyone wants to say and wants to feel but because they have a certain persona to display ,cannot find the right words ,don't agree with the music style ,etc. They fling insults, hurtful glances, and seem to go out of their way to make others feel inferior. It saddening at the very least.
I know that I cannot fix the world. But I would like to help the people who acted in a most disrespectful way to you and others see what they do and how those actions truly effect others. I apologize if any of this offended you or anyone reading but I do not apologize for where I stand. The first draft of this was quite a bit better ,but what can you do when technology has a mind of its own?
Thoughts???
***G-d Moment***
meaning: When you are speaking about something, concerned about something, etc. and G-d gives you a confirmation of the provisional conclusion that you had made. i.e. Having someone suggest something to you and then someone else (that you may or may not know) suggesting the same thing. G-d Moment. I am unsure that this explanantion gives this justice so I will try to find a better way to help you understand.
Be safe. Be well.
My comment was too long which is probably my que to stop writing. Have a great night. And thank you for your thoughts.
Death is the punishment for sin. And that's why Jesus died on the cross for us. He became the substitute for all of our sins.
That, number one, tells you, that all men are equal.
Number two, all men are sinners.
So, judging or not judging, I really don't think you should give a crap.
Because in the end, the only judge that matters is God.
Why do you group religious people together and decide that because they're bad and they think highly of themselves that suddenly God is not the right path?
Honestly? Isn't it you who decided those people were "better" than you?
Because as a "good" person, I really think you need to forgive those that think they're so great because they're only human and they sin.
I can't blame you for thinking that you were wronged due to them being false, because you and I are equals.
I just want you to understand that you're looking at this in a perspective that's not realistic in accordance to what religion is.
Why focus so much on the words of people when it should be the words of God you care about?
It's not God's fault people can't follow his righteousness.
You yourself have free will, do you not?
We sin and our sins cause us misfortune.
Just please, don't interpret people who are religious to be representative of what God is.
If you would look into it, I'm sure you'd see that too.
Only God is perfect.
If humans can't be perfect, why do you hold them to such a high degree of needing to be perfect to judge. It's not right to judge anyways, right? But that's their sins you're looking at.
Not God.
Your faith should not be in the "people of the church" anyways. Doesn't that in itself seem a little off?
Go to church for God. Teach your fellow church attenders the right way to live. But don't judge them and then hex them.
God will take care of you.
But as you can see from your post and your experiences, what you did and what your memories of church goers do, is exactly the same.
Human.
The only one who can save you (and the rest of us) is God, not your own power, and not the power of the church.
I, too, actually wrote an article on my weblog about this very thing back in September sometime.
So yes, I think I know exactly what your feelings were here. And I wish more people with this kind of understanding existed in the world. Thank you, for sharing this. And thank you, for giving me hope.
Tolerence the word as well has been misused. To tolerate does not mean to agree with. Just because we tolerate someone picking their nose next to us in line at the bank does not mean we need to like or promote it. It simply means we without from reacting to it in a good or bad way or anything at all. So all this talk about religion, and tolerating different religions, does not at all mean I need to accept and like the fact that some people are buddhist or christian or hindu or whatever. It simply means I'm not going to go around killing people who practice it if I disagree with them, and likewise I am not going to congratulate them for being in those religions.
So with that said, here is my thought. We all know people say and do anything they want, whether it be bad or good, cruel or kind. So when a religious person says a lie, does that mean the religion is bad? Or the person is bad? We have to make a judgement. It seems to me that alot of the people you knew or met at your church simply were bad themselves. What they were preaching might not have been. It's a tough judgement to make, but it is unfair to the religion to base it off of bad actions that every human being is capable of making. If they were preaching that hypocrisy is good, and then they were being hypocrites themselves, then both the religion and the people could be judged as bad. This is why I avoid islam because terrorists do terrorizing things because their religion says so (according to them). So my judgement is that islam (from a terrorist perspective) as well as the terrorists themselves, are undesirable. Unfortunately, hypocrisy is all too common to find amongst religious people. However, I have met many Christians that talk and walk the faith as best they can. We are all human and make mistakes- but if they really do try to follow a clean path. Where the judgement part comes in is interesting. In my opinion, we should judge- it's a necessity for life, and we do it naturally. Where it becomes a problem is when we judge with an unfair mind, or without nearly enough information. That is why the Bible warns us to only judge as we would be judged- fairly, and with all the information. What this calls us to then is rather than not judging at all, we should instead suspend our judgement until a time when we know for certain what we are judging and why. Does this make sense? I can explain more if you are interested.
I am a cutter. I do it regularly and I enjoy it. People may not always agree with it but they shouldn't judge me because of it and yet they always do. They're always the people claiming that they don't judge people or they aren't a stero-type and blah blah blah. I'm sick of people telling me what to do or how I should be. It sucks for you if you can't accept me for who I am because I'm actually a pretty cool person if you aren't a jerk.
I personally am not religious, I don't believe that if someone up there loved us so much, he'd force people like me to feel pain and torture every day of our lives for being fat, being ugly or just being you. Being tossed aside like last week's crap kills. After years of such abuse, I have lost the ability to see that people care or that people aren't all malicious and such. I'm sure most people wouldn't believe feeling this little is a good thing but it helps me to help other people out because I am unemotional when it comes to things that hurt me so deeply.
I hope no one gets offended by anything I said, it's my opinion even though I treat it like fact. Thanks for taking the time to listen!
Jackie Gregory says...
I don't really have the time right now to read all of this so if someone happened to have said this, I apologize.
I am a cutter. I do it regularly and I enjoy it. People may not always agree with it but they shouldn't judge me because of it and yet they always do. They're always the people claiming that they don't judge people or they aren't a stero-type and blah blah blah. I'm sick of people telling me what to do or how I should be. It sucks for you if you can't accept me for who I am because I'm actually a pretty cool person if you aren't a jerk.
I personally am not religious, I don't believe that if someone up there loved us so much, he'd force people like me to feel pain and torture every day of our lives for being fat, being ugly or just being you. Being tossed aside like last week's crap kills. After years of such abuse, I have lost the ability to see that people care or that people aren't all malicious and such. I'm sure most people wouldn't believe feeling this little is a good thing but it helps me to help other people out because I am unemotional when it comes to things that hurt me so deeply.
I hope no one gets offended by anything I said, it's my opinion even though I treat it like fact. Thanks for taking the time to listen!
I think you would benefit from reading my comment.
Also, people might be having a problem with your habit simply because it's unhealthy, not necessarily that they hate you or something. In fact, people comment because they care.
Jackie Gregory says...
I don't really have the time right now to read all of this so if someone happened to have said this, I apologize.
I am a cutter. I do it regularly and I enjoy it. People may not always agree with it but they shouldn't judge me because of it and yet they always do. They're always the people claiming that they don't judge people or they aren't a stero-type and blah blah blah. I'm sick of people telling me what to do or how I should be. It sucks for you if you can't accept me for who I am because I'm actually a pretty cool person if you aren't a jerk.
I personally am not religious, I don't believe that if someone up there loved us so much, he'd force people like me to feel pain and torture every day of our lives for being fat, being ugly or just being you. Being tossed aside like last week's crap kills. After years of such abuse, I have lost the ability to see that people care or that people aren't all malicious and such. I'm sure most people wouldn't believe feeling this little is a good thing but it helps me to help other people out because I am unemotional when it comes to things that hurt me so deeply.
I hope no one gets offended by anything I said, it's my opinion even though I treat it like fact. Thanks for taking the time to listen!
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