Your Therapists Corner

Dear Anonymous,

                First, let me tell you I feel of your plight. I have also experienced the troubles you are going through. And you are also not alone. Many people such as yourself have made the same innocent mistake that you have. It can sneak up on us so invisibly that we don’t even see it till it is upon us. Please know that this can be quite an easy process to correct if done correctly.

                First let’s recognize the mistake that you have made. First, you were with a girl, either alone or with people who had such low standards that they didn’t care. You held hands, with this girl while having a girlfriend. You got her number with the hope of continuing to talk to her in more of a way than just a friend. Herein lays your mistake. Not only did you hold the girls hand, you continued the mistake by getting her number, and continuing to talk to her for a week. Although this might not seem too serious to some people, it is still a form of cheating.

                Now, how can you tell your girlfriend? Well, there is no cure-all sentence, or speech that will work on everyone. But there are some guidelines that you should follow but first, there are some things you need to realize. First, she is going to be hurt, if not mad. She will lose some, if not a lot of trust in you. She might even break-up with you. I will do my best to keep you two together by giving you a few guidelines to follow when talking to her.

     1.       Don’t lie. That would be the number one worst thing you could do, and once the lie is discovered, you can pretty much say goodbye. So please, be truthful. And I don’t mean that you should just tell her all the basics and leave out the details, I mean you need to go to her and tell her everything. Don’t go in and say, “I help some girls had while with my friends and got her number and were texting her for a week before stopping and realizing I was stupid”, give her the details. Who she is, how it happened, why you let it happen, how you feel about the situation, etc.

     2.       Accept your consequence. She will most likely be both mad and hurt. She will most likely have some words to say. Sit and listen calmly. Listen to what she has to say. Nothing will do any good if you don’t listen. Not listening can just bring you further away from what you are trying to achieve.

     3.       When she is done espressing her feelings, make sure you tell her just how sorry you are. Tell her your true feelings. Don’t try to keep your macho man appearance while apologizing. It doesn’t work like that. You need to get into it and be completely honest. Tell her you know what you have done is wrong and that it won’t ever happen again. And don’t just say it; you need to truly mean it. Promise her and yourself it won’t happen again, because if you don’t, you will end up doing it again when the opportunity presents itself. You might even want to down grade yourself with a few remarks on how stupid you were to do something like that, let alone let yourself be in the situation.

     4.       Begin the healing process. If she accepts the apology, don’t just give a good sigh of relief, make sure you follow up. You will need to be extremely nice, and as close to being “perfect” as possible. Prove to her that you are sorry with more than just words. Just like a picture is worth a thousand words, actions are also worth a thousand words.

Hopefully what I have told you help and I will be happy to hear what happens after. Please, don’t let this happen again and remember the four guidelines that I have set for you.